Rejoice in the little light we carry

The month of October has been a difficult one for me…I’ve experienced home sickness (for Canada, and more recently Guatemala), faced culture shock, and have felt overwhelmed, lost, confused and lonely in a new country and new home, and have felt anxious about the many uncertainties in my life. Although I'm trying to just take one day at a time, it's hard to do! But when I take the time to intentionally think about everything that’s been going on (and not just the bad things), I can find many things to be thankful of.

First of all, this past week I have been catching up on some of my fellow SALTers’ blogs, as well as the comments on the SALT/IVEP facebook page. It’s nice to have some of my feelings validated, and to be reminded that I am not the only one experiencing culture shock and loneliness. An IVEPer shared this quote on our facebook page last week, from Henri Nouwen’s book “Bread for the Journey”. It was exactly what I needed to read (and re-read!), to help me stop complaining and worrying about the future.

Enough Light for the Next Step by Henri Nouwen
Often we want to be able to see into the future. We say, “How will next year be for me? Where will I be five or ten years from now?” There are no answers to these questions. Mostly we have just enough light to see the next step: what we have to do in the coming hour or the following day. The art of living is to enjoy what we can see and not complain about what remains in the dark. When we are able to take the next step with the trust that we will have enough light for the step that follows, we can walk through life with joy and be surprised at how far we go. Let’s rejoice in the little light we carry and not ask for the great beam that would take all shadows away.

I know that there are many things I can learn from the shadows in my life (and that my SALT experience will be so much richer because of this) but I wanted this blog post to be about recognizing and rejoicing in the light and sunshine I experienced amidst the storms of my first 2 weeks here in El Salvador.

1)    My two kind co-workers/housemates, who happily took me in, despite the extremely busy and stressful weeks they’ve had working at ANADES and dealing with the effects of the storm. I am slowly getting to know them better, despite their continued busyness, and on Friday night we even went to the movies together (the first non-work related thing I’ve seen them do, since arriving here!)

2)    Salvadorans are extremely friendly and welcoming people, so despite having been here only 2 weeks, I have met a lot of new faces, both in my neighbourhood and at my work at ANADES. I have many acquaintances, but not too many friends yet, but I’m sure that will come with time!

3)   Staying in touch with friends and family from home, as well as the new friends I made in Guatemala, has been a huge support for me – it’s nice to know that I have many people thinking of me

4)   I finally started my job on Monday, which was great! I was greeted bright and early by 20 smiling, adorable little niños (ok, a few of them were crying and were a bit afraid of me at first) but by the end of the day, I felt that I was already building a relationship with many of these kids. And I am very grateful for my boss and all my co-workers at Centro Hogar who have really welcomed me as part of the team, have answered my numerous questions, and have been really patient with me when I don’t understand what’s going on (either due to language barriers or differences in culture, or both!)

Although there are still some uncertainties when it comes to my job and what my role is, I am constantly trying to remind myself to rejoice in the little light we carry and not ask for the great beam that would take all shadows away. For now I just need to get more of a feel for ANADES and Centro Hogar, before I start taking initiative in the other parts of my job. For now I am just happy getting to know these precious little kids and helping out wherever needed.

And in regards to my living situation – it turns out that they don’t actually have a host family ready for me yet, so I will continue living with my co-workers. It could be for another week, or it could be for another month or two, I have no idea!! Although the not knowing kind of stresses me out a bit, I am trying to stay positive. First of all, I am just happy to have a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in. When I remind myself that thousands of Salvadorans have been left homeless due to this month's floods and mudslides, it’s hard to complain about my own living situation! And although it isn’t a typical “host family” experience, I really enjoy the neighbourhood we are living in, and I have now figured out how to take the bus to and from work on my own, as well as to Metro Centro, which is the largest shopping mall in Central America (and I thought the ones in Guate were big….). These were huge accomplishments for me, since I was pretty terrified of taking the city busses here at first! So, these are the little bits of light that I’ve been clinging onto these past few days.

Anyways, sorry that this blog post has been a little bit all over the place – but that’s kind of how I’ve been feeling, so hopefully you can understand or get something out of it at least!

Keep your emails coming – I could use some encouragement, and would love to hear about what’s going on in everyone’s lives back home J