And the journey home begins...

The past few months have FLOWN by, and I just wanted to apologize to anyone who checked my blog and was disappointed to not find any new updates. The good news, at least, is that there have been many wonderful moments, experiences and learning that I have had the past few months, and although I wanted to update my blog and share with people back home, I never seemed to find the time.

The past week has been full of goodbyes, and unfortunately they're not over yet. I just ate supper one last time with my Salvadoran host family, and now I am in my room, packing my suitcases and finishing one last MCC report.

With many tears (yet also excitement to see my friends and family back home, share my experiences, and see what the future holds), I will be leaving El Salvador tomorrow morning (Wednesday). My MCC Guatemala/El Salvador reps are picking me up, and we will drive together (about 5 hours) to Guatemala City, where I will have supper with my beloved Guatemalan host family, and then spend the night at my MCC reps house. Early Thursday morning they will drop me off at the airport...where I will head to the US, for SALT Re-entry with MCC in Akron, PA.

(This is mostly for my mom and grandma's sake) but my flight leaves Guatemala City at 7:20 am (which is 9:20 am back home). I will have a layover in Atlanta for a few hours, where I will hopefully meet up with some of the other SALTers coming from other countries, and then I will finally arrive in Harrisburg, PA at 6:15pm, where we will get picked up by an MCC worker and driven to the MCC office in Akron. I am looking forward to this time to relax (the past weeks have been super busy, and I haven't been getting much sleep!), catch up with my fellow SALTers, and begin to debrief this crazy/intense/amazing year that I have had in El Salvador and Guatemala.

Finally next Tuesday (July 24th), my mom and my aunts Ruby and Diane will pick me up in Akron, and if all goes as planned, we should be arriving back in Tavistock that evening!

I wish that I could give more of an update about my last few weeks, but my suitcases and report are calling out to me...just know that, besides my feelings of stress and sadness, I am also doing really well. I hope to have time to update my blog in the next week, but we'll see!

Goodbye for now, and I would appreciate your thoughts and prayers as I begin my journey back home!

Mining in El Salvador and Guatemala

I have mentioned a couple times already in my blog posts about the complexities and consequences of mining in El Salvador and Guatemala. This past week I came across a couple different articles that I would like to share with my friends and family, because I think it is important to stay informed about these issues!

The first is a petition from Oxfam America, to the US government to support the El Salvadoran government, in the lawsuit that Canadian mining company Pacific Rim has against them.


"In El Salvador, communities are fighting for their right to decide how companies can use their lands. Many of them have made a decision: they don’t want the metal mining industry to continue to destroy the environment they live and farm in. And they’re paying the price - each day, community leaders and activists face threats of violence and death because they're standing up to metal mining companies.What's making this fight even harder? Right now, Canadian mining company Pacific Rim is trying to force El Salvador to keep metal mines in business by suing El Salvador for $77 million under the US-Central America Free Trade Agreement (CAFTA). This case could not only cost El Salvador a significant portion of its GDP, but it could prevent citizens from deciding which industries develop in their country.

A win for El Salvador in this case means that El Salvador could choose to stop metal mining - for good. The US government’s support for El Salvador over Pacific Rim in this case has been crucial. That’s where you come in. Will you help us make sure the US supports El Salvador in this case? Tell Secretary of State Clinton: Support the people of El Salvador."

Although the petition is for the US government, Canadians can sign it too! So please click on this link to read a blog article about this petition, and then sign if you wish!

http://voiceselsalvador.wordpress.com/2012/05/25/oxfam-petition-on-el-salvador-and-mining/

The Oxfam America website has a bunch of other interesting articles and videos about mining in El Salvador and Guatemala, and other countries, if you are interested in learning more about this issue.

http://www.oxfamamerica.org/campaigns/extractive-industries

Also, this is an article about a Goldcorp mine in Guatemala.

http://upsidedownworld.org/main/guatemala-archives-33/3595-goldcorps-legacy-criminalization-and-mining-resistance-in-san-rafael-las-flores-guatemala

Thank you for taking the time to read these articles, and becoming informed about what is happening to our neighbours in Central America!

Join MCC in supporting an International Arms Trade Treaty

Please read the MCC Latin America Advocacy Blog's latest post, and add your name in support of an international arms trade treaty!

http://lacaadvocacy.wordpress.com/2012/05/14/join-mcc-in-supporting-an-international-arms-trade-treaty/

Some Thoughts After 9 Months

Today marks the 9th month of my SALT journey. Time continues to fly by super fast, and although I have lots of things I want to share with my friends, family and church members back home, I never seem to have the time to do it.

About a month ago, all of the SALTers were asked to write responses to the following questions, and when we return to Akron, PA for our re-entry in July, we will receive a "yearbook" with everyone's responses. I thought I would share some of my (modified!) responses here on my blog.

First Impression (of assignment country/community, etc.):

Life in San Salvador is very different than life in Tavistock, or even life in Waterloo! 

There are people everywhere! Along with this, comes almost non-stop noise, from the traffic (and horn-honking!), vendors driving through the streets yelling “Platanos! Platanos!” into their megaphones, and the dogs, roosters, blaring music, and firecrackers going off at all times of the day or night.

I also noticed right away the friendliness and hospitality of the Salvadoran people, and fell in love with the beautiful landscape. When I step out of my house, I have a view of the gorgeous San Salvador volcano, and there are palm trees, beautiful plants, and flowers galore!

Relationship with God (Highlights/new insights or difficulties/struggles in your faith?):

These past months have been very inspiring to me, as I have seen many examples of Salvadorans living out their faith and actively working for peace and justice, from the example of the Salvadoran martyr Archbishop Oscar Romero, to the examples I see every day through my co-workers at ANADES (New Dawn Association).

At the same time, these past months have been hard for me. I have struggled to find God and see hope, in the midst of all the pain, suffering and injustices that I see here in San Salvador. These struggles will continue to stay with me. I will never be able to forget the things I have seen, and the stories I have heard, from my neighbours, friends, co-workers, host families, people on the street, and most of all, the precious and innocent kids at the daycare.

New Perspectives (How has your view of yourself, others & your home country changed after cross cultural service?):

It is hard to write this in just a paragraph...I am gaining new  perspectives every day! I have learned so many things about myself, as well as the strength of the Salvadoran people, and not to judge a book by the cover. 

I have learned the importance of really pushing myself to try new things and put myself into new situations. It is surprising that even living in a country that is totally different than what I grew up in, I can still fall into my comfort zone, which is sometimes a good thing, but usually not! When you are in your comfort zone, it is hard to see the injustices in the world, and even harder to work for justice and peace and building God’s Kingdom here on earth. And I have discovered that the best learning, and sometimes even the most fun, comes out of these experiences that at first glance, seem too scary or uncomfortable.
I am also learning how our individualist, consumerist and militaristic society in North America is connected with many of the hardships the majority of Salvadorans face every day, including violence, insecurity, gangs, drug cartels, migration, broken families, climate change, and poverty.

Future Plans (What might you do next, when you return home?):

Look for a job! I’m also thinking of heading back to school, either to get my Masters in Social Work or pursue Early Childhood Education. And I would love to return to Central America, and volunteer with MCC again!

What single word best describes this year for you? Explain why – in a sentence or two.

Relationships!

This has been the most rewarding part of SALT: although not always easy (both the building of friendships, as well as being in relationship with people who have such different life experiences than I do), the relationships I have made with my host families, co-workers, and the kids and their parents at the daycare, have given me an incredible amount of love, laughter, joy, hope and inspiration!  

San Marcos, Guatemala

In my last blog post I talked about how in February I participated in an MCC Learning tour in Guatemala, in the department of San Marcos, close to the Mexican border. The most recent issue of MCC's A Common Place magazine features the work being done in San Marcos with the partner organizations, and after reading the articles, I started reminiscing about my trip and what I had learned, and so I wanted to share a bit more about it.

I mentioned already the beauty of the San Marcos mountains, and the diverse and interesting group that I had the privilege of travelling with.
Some other highlights of the learning tour included:
- crazy rides in the back of a pick-up truck, on winding, bumpy, dirt roads
- hiking up-hill to the communities of La Vega del Volcán, Nuevas Maravillas and Toniná (these remote communities do not have road-access)
- sitting around the fire-stove to keep warm, with a family who hosted us for the night in La Vega del Volcán, and sharing a meal of delicious fresh trout (from the family's fish pond!)
- listening to 2 Americans in the Learning Tour group, talking about the experience of being shown hospitality, and being hosted for the night by a Guatemalan man and his family - this man had once been an illegal immigrant in the US (or illegal alien, as American media likes to call them) and a supposed "threat" to their country, and was caught, put in prison and then sent back to Guatemala. Yet when he found out that visiting Americans with MCC needed supper and a place to stay for the night, he volunteered his hospitality without a second thought. Maybe if more Americans (and Canadians, for that matter!) had experiences similar to this one, where they were able to get to know the stories of their "enemies", and knew the legitimate reasons for why so many Central Americans come to North America to find work, the immigration debates in the US and Canada would be a bit different!
- spending the night with a host family in Nuevas Maravillas, admiring the beautiful flowers all around their house and small property (part of the flower-raising initiative), watching the sunset, and then looking at the beautiful stars, and the lights from a nearby city in Mexico, at night. Their house may not have been much (it consisted of 2 small wooden buildings, dirt floors, and an out-house) but their hospitality, and the view that they go to bed to, and get to wake up to every morning, were priceless!
- spending an afternoon working and giggling alongside the women of Nuevas Maravillas, chopping long grass, and helping to prepare a natural compost/fertilizer mixture for their crops and gardens. I used a machete for the first time!! And still have all my fingers left, to type this tale :)


These articles in the Common Place magazine give a good summary of what I learned and saw during my week in San Marcos. It gives new perspectives of poverty and the struggles faced in rural Guatemala, and a side of immigration that we often do not hear about in the media.

If you do not have time to read the whole magazine, I HIGHLY ENCOURAGE you to at least read the first 3 articles (New opportunities without leaving home, First person, and Immigration journeys) and watch the Video Slideshow where fellow volunteer Nate Howard, part of the MCC Guatemala/El Salvador team, talks about MCC's work.

Link to MCC's Spring 2012 A Common Place magazine

8 months in...

It is hard to believe that it's been 8 months since I left Canada and began my SALT experience. Although at times things have been rough, the time has flown by sooo quickly. And it seems like every month is going by even faster than the previous one.

Here is a quick re-cap of the past few months.

February:

• participated in an MCC Work and Learn Team trip to the department of San Marcos in Guatemala. Spent a week in the beautiful (yet cold!) mountains of Guatemala, learning about the lives of farming families in remote rural areas, and the challenges they face such as poverty, lack of infrastructure, immigration, climate change, and Canadian mining companies. We also learned about their strengths: the importance of their families and communities, their hospitality, their aptitude for hard work in difficult situations, and we learned about the creative initiatives they are doing with their co-operatives, with sustainable agriculture and economic development. Besides the beauty of the natural landscape in San Marcos, what made the experience even more beautiful was the diversity of the WAL team - we were a group of 2 Canadians, 3 Americans, 1 Mexican, 2 Salvadorans and 2 Guatemalans, with a wide age range (from a male university student, to a 65 year old grandma), learning, working and sharing together, and that in itself is an experience never to be forgotten. 
• my parents, as well as my mom's cousin and her husband, came to visit me in El Salvador for 2 weeks. It was great for me that they could see a bit of this beautiful country that has become my home, meet my Salvadoran host family, co-workers, and some of my friends, and we even spent a quick weekend in Guatemala so they could meet my Guatemalan host family as well as some more of the MCCers of our Guatemala/El Salvador team. 

March:

• our MCC Guatemala/El Salvador team had our team meeting at Costa del Sol, a beach here in El Salvador. I know, I have a hard life :)
• I spent a weekend in Guatemala City, visiting with my Guatemalan host family. I was supposed to meet up with Rockway's Guatemala group, and travel with them for a few days, but I ended up getting the flu so I couldn't join them, which was pretty disappointing. But I guess I can't do everything, and I should be grateful that this was my first major sickness incident since arriving in Central America (and compared to stories I have heard from other SALTers, I really have gotten off easy in regards with my health).
• March 24th was the 32nd anniversary of the assasination of El Salvador's Archbishop Oscar Romero. Along with many of my ANADES and Centro Hogar co-workers, I participated in a march to commemorate his life and death. (For those of you who don't know who Oscar Romero is, I will be writing a blog post about him shortly! But in the meantime, you should probably look him up! He is a hero and martyr for many Salvadorans) 

April (so far!):

• my sister Bethany, as well as our friend Nithya, came to visit me for 2 1/2 weeks! I had a week off from work for Easter, so we did some travelling in Guatemala, as well as some relaxing at the beach here in El Salvador. It was a lot of fun to have visitors again, but also somewhat exhausting, so I am glad to have a bit of a break now for the rest of April. Hopefully that means that my blog posts will become more frequent again!

my Salvadoran host brother Miguel, bonding with my dad

with my Salvadoran host family, showing off the new Canadian gear that my parents brought for them

fancy restaurant in Guatemala City

with my parents, and my Guatemalan host parents

A banner at the Oscar Romero march.
 "and on behalf of those voices, I raise my voice to say: do not idolize your wealth, while others are left starving to death"

at the beach in El Salvador, with Bethany and Nithya

watching some Easter Processions in Guatemala City (Easter Week is really big in  Central America)

people on the street making "alfombras" (carpets or street decorations), another important Central American tradition for Easter Week 

some finished "alfombras". so pretty!

Summary of my job in San Salvador

Although there are lots of things I could write about my work here in San Salvador, I thought I would just write a few thoughts of what I have been experiencing so far, as well as a brief summary as to what I do every day (which I'm sure many of you have been wondering!).

January began the new school year in El Salvador, and since I am helping out in the youngest class in Centro Hogar (the pre-school/day care at ANADES), it meant that I was with the class of about 20-25 new "students" (2 and 3 year olds, as well as a few who are as young as 18 months), crying, screaming for their moms, and trying (sometimes successfully!) to escape the classrooms, since for most of them, it was the first time being away from their families. The kids are now finally getting accustomed to this new routine, and are crying much less. But as crazy as the first weeks were in January, it was also very rewarding and a lot of fun! For me at least, it's so interesting to see the kids starting to get accustomed to a new routine, and warming up to all the teachers as well as the other kids, and even starting to build friendships! There are a few kids who I can tell do not receive much love and affection at home, including one little girl especially, who seems like she has some kind of attachment disorder (according to my limited psychology knowledge). She barely interacts with others, neither the kids nor the teachers, and mostly just stands there, always looking like she's on the verge of tears, except for when I urge her to play with me (but unfortunately there are 20+ other kids that need attention, so I can't give her individual attention all day). But I am really hopeful that given a couple more weeks or months time, she will begin to open up more.

In my blog post in January, I talked about all the sadness and pain I have seen and experienced here in Central America. Some days can be more overwhelming than others. But I was very glad when the kids came back to school, because they are something that gives me joy every day. Even though these little kids have been born into a context of severe poverty and violence, when I see them running and playing and laughing and smiling with their friends or another one of the teachers, it gives me hope. The cards (and statistics) are stacked up against them, but when I see their beautiful smiles and the spark in their eyes, I see hope: they are still innocent, loving babies, and it could be their generation that changes the culture of violence and machismo, that has plagued El Salvador for far too long. Or at least I choose to hope and believe this, because if I didn't, there would be no point of me being here, volunteering with MCC and ANADES, 2 NGO's (non-governmental organizations) that are working for peace and justice and a better future here in El Salvador.
By coming to the day care/pre-school, and receiving nutritious breakfast and lunches daily, as well as lots of love and affection and a good education, the children are getting a better start to their life. I am constantly so impressed by the work my co-workers do, despite the limited staff and resources we have here. We just have to hope that, although we can't be with these kids as they grow up into teenagers and then adults, that we are doing the best that we can with them now. And the parents as well, although some of them associated with the gangs, are also doing the best they can for their kids, despite the very difficult context they grew up in, and continue to live in.

I think the most important part of Centro Hogar is not what we are “giving” the families, but what the families and kids are experiencing here: a sense of community. This is often hard to find in a big city, especially when it’s filled with gangs and violence, it’s often hard (rightly or wrongly so) to trust your neighbours and the people around you. So I think having a safe space where kids grow up in, and families come to know each other and the teachers, is really important. Kids as young as 12 or 14 years old, join the gangs because they lack a sense of family or community or belonging, but this is something they can find in the gangs. So I think building community is an important part of bringing peace to El Salvador (although of course it is only one part of the solution needed to end this complex problem).

This is a normal day for me at ANADES:
I arrive at around 7 in the morning, and the kids begin arriving anytime between 7 and 8ish. Once most of the kids have arrived, they start serving breakfast in the classroom. Then they play a bit, and when everyone is done eating (sometimes that’s a bit of a task!) we gather around in a circle, take attendance (it’s really cute how some of the kids have learned to say “present” or “presente” in Spanish, when their names are called) and then sing some songs, which they absolutely love doing. A few times a week, the teacher also reads stories to them. After that, they usually get split up into 2 groups, to do 2 different activities – one is more directed learning, and the other is more free time, where they are encouraged to use their creativity. The next day, the kids switch and do the activity they didn’t do the previous day. After the activities, the kids eat their morning snack, which their parents have sent for them from home. Some kids don’t always have a snack (likely because their parents couldn’t afford to send one) and so the teachers either share their own snacks, or they give the kids the leftovers from breakfast. After snack, we go for “recreo” – recreation time outside, where there are swings, slides and a mini jungle gym for them to play in and run around. Then they come inside to wash their hands (also a huge task, trying to get 20 kids clean, when all they want to do is run around) and then we head to the dining room for lunch, which is also provided by Centro Hogar. After lunch, a few kids head home for the day, but the majority stay for the afternoon. They have a nap, anywhere between 30 minutes to 2 hours. Once they wake up again, they eat an afternoon snack, provided by the Centro Hogar, play a little bit more, and then we start the task of changing all the diapers, and changing all the kids into their clean clothes, to send them home. I usually only work until 2, but the kids and the rest of my co-workers stay until around 4 or 5.

So, that in a nutshell, is a day in the life of my “Maternal” class at Centro Hogar, the pre-school/day care. I am kind of like an “assistant” to the 2 teachers in my class, which involves doing anything from leading songs, changing diapers, comforting crying kids, and pushing kids on the swings. Although sometimes I feel a bit discouraged because I have a university degree, but am doing the work a high school student could do, I wouldn’t change my job for the world. It wasn’t exactly the job I had expected, but I know I have been put where I am most needed. It is impossible for 2 teachers alone, to look after 20+ babies (often times 3 of us isn’t enough either!). On top of this, I have come to appreciate the community of ANADES so much, and have grown close with many of my co-workers, and am learning so much from them about El Salvador, and specifically about what it’s like to live and work in a marginalized community in San Salvador. Also, in the coming months, I am hoping to take more leadership in regards to the workshops that are led once a month for the parents, as well as doing home visits to get to know some of the families better. But most of all, I am looking forward to continue learning from my co-workers, and the kids and their families.

Lastly, I want to share 2 poems/quotes that have really helped me to appreciate the “serving and learning” I have been doing here since I arrived in El Salvador in October.

The first is a poem/prayer, written by Bishop Ken Untener, of the United States, who wrote it to be read at a funeral to commemorate Catholic priests who had passed away. For some reason, it has become known as the "Romero Prayer" and is often (wrongly) thought to be written by Oscar Romero, the Archbishop of El Salvador, who was killed in 1980 at the start of the civil war.
I put this poem on my blog back in August, but I would like to put up part of it again, because it has meant a lot to me, while living in this context which is often not very hopeful.

A Future Not Our Own
It helps now and then to step back and take a long view.
The Kingdom is not only beyond our efforts,
it is beyond our vision.
We accomplish in our lifetime only a fraction
of the magnificent enterprise that is God's work.
Nothing we do is complete, which is another way of
saying that the kingdom always lies beyond us…


We plant the seeds that one
day will grow. We water the seeds already planted
knowing that they hold future promise.
We lay foundations that will need further development.
We provide yeast that produces effects
far beyond our capabilities.
We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of
liberation in realizing this.
This enables us to do something, and to do it very well.

  

Over the Christmas holidays, an MCC worker emailed us SALTers a quote from Vaclav Havel, former president of Czechoslovakia. I have read these words he wrote about hope, over and over again, as I find they very much relate to my life and work here in San Salvador.

Either we have hope within us or we don’t.
Hope is a dimension of the soul,
And it is not particularly dependent on some observation of the world.
Hope is an orientation of the spirit,
An orientation of the heart.
It transcends the world that is immediately experienced
And is anchored somewhere beyond the horizons.
Hope
In this deep and powerful sense
Is not the same as joy that things are going well
Or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously headed for early success,
But rather
An ability to work for something
Because it is good,
Not just because it stands a chance to succeed.
Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism.
It is not the conviction that something will turn out well,
But the certainty that something makes sense
Regardless of how it turns out.
It is hope above all, which gives us the strength to love and continually try new things.

Bringing down the kids to their classroom

Some of my "Maternal" kids

Pinata! A must-have for every kids party. 

Recess!

Lunch time in the cafeteria

Nap time!

Lastly, here's a video of a dance that my class performed at they year-end closing program for the parents in December.

Context in El Salvador and Guatemala

I've been following a lot of different blogs lately, which I have found helpful in keeping up to date with the news around Central America (because I find reading the newspaper in Spanish sometimes a little bit hard on my brain...) and it also helps remind me that I am not the only one that is struggling to make sense of all the poverty and violence I see here in El Salvador and Guatemala, 2 beautiful countries that I have come to love.

I thought I would share 2 helpful blogposts, so that people at home get a bit more of an understanding of the current social and political contexts of El Salvador and Guatemala.

The first post is written by Adrienne Wiebe, an MCCer working out of Mexico, who writes MCC's Latin America Advocacy Blog.
http://lacaadvocacy.wordpress.com/2012/02/02/guatemala-how-can-the-cycles-of-violence-be-broken/

The second is a recap of some of the things that happened in El Salvador in 2011, by an American named Tim, who's lived in El Salvador quite a few years now, and who's blog I happened to stumble upon, and have found very useful to learn more about El Salvador.
http://luterano.blogspot.com/2012/01/top-el-salvador-stories-of-2011.html

Hope these are informative for you!

I am currently working on another blog post about the work I have been doing at ANADES in the Centro Hogar (pre-school) so check back in a few days for an update, as well as some pics of my adorable little kids!

Pain and Suffering amidst the Joyous Christmas Spirit, and Hopes for the New Year

Coming up with titles for my blog posts is my least favourite thing to do, but I wanted to show the huge (and uncomfortable) contrasts that I experienced over my Christmas holidays in Guatemala City, as well as my daily life here in San Salvador.

Since high school, every Christmas I have always given some of my money to help the poor, be it through local food or toy drives, or donating to MCC. These things are important, and I hope I will continue to be able to afford to do this in the future. These acts of charity always give me a nice feeling inside, for helping people less fortunate than I. But unfortunately, it also somehow gives me “permission” to continue on with the rest of my Christmas traditions of consumerism, eating too much food, and being in the company of my middle-class friends and family. This Christmas was different – I was living in a developing country, and instead of giving my money to people who had less than me, I was sharing my time and friendship with them.

Some days I have a hard time dealing with the guilt I feel here. I am a rich, white, healthy, university-educated, North American (and I’m sure my list of privileges could go on). Even though I’m living much more simply here than I did in Canada (when I was a so-called “poor” university student), I am still so rich compared to the majority of the people here. Even living on a meager MCC budget, I can afford to go to the mall once and a while and buy myself (or waste my money on?) an expensive iced cappuccino, a delicious slice of Oreo cheese cake, and a new pair of cute sandals, that I probably didn’t really need as much as I thought I did. What I spend in one afternoon, could maybe help a poor family struggling to make ends meet, have enough food for a week or two.

On top of all this, I feel guilty for the fact that my whole life I took for granted what it is like to live in a safe and secure country, where I am able to walk on the streets after dark (or even during the day!) without a second thought, or fear that I will get robbed, or worse. There are some Central Americans that have never had the privilege to know what this is like. Yet back home in Canada, we don’t even think twice that this is a privilege or realize just how lucky we are. I never realized how much security impacts your day to day life, until I moved to Guatemala and El Salvador, 2 countries with some of the highest murder rates in the world, and plagued by violence, gangs, the drug trade, and poverty.

In past years, the month of December for me has been a time of stress about exams and final papers, as well as excitement of getting into the “Christmas Spirit”. This past December, although also a time of anticipation for Christmas, it was also a time when I heard countless stories of suffering, and cried to myself in my room numerous times at night. From my co-workers, families at the pre-school where I work, friends, host families, and neighbours, in both Guatemala and El Salvador, I have heard heartbreaking stories of family members and friends murdered. I have heard the effects that gangs, poverty, crime, violence, domestic abuse, alcoholism, divided families etc. have had on people’s lives. Whereas back home in Canada (or at least the comfortable small city where I am from) these stories are the exception, here in Central America these stories are almost the rule: practically every family has stories of intense suffering they could tell, from either during the civil wars in the 1980s, and/or in recent years due to the rise in violence. (According to some recent stats, today there are as many murders committed daily, as there was during the civil war). Sometimes I wonder how they can still go on with their lives, with all the suffering they have faced and continue to face, especially since there isn’t much hope for things to change anytime soon.

Although not nearly as dramatic or intense, I wanted to share 2 stories of my own that happened to me over my Christmas holidays.

On Dec. 23^rd, I went to do some last minute Christmas shopping (although in Guatemala, I think they just call it Christmas Shopping – “last minute” isn’t really so much a concept here, but a way of life!!) with some of my host siblings, who were buying gifts for all their younger cousins. We spent 6 hours, and went to 2 different shopping centres. Driving on a busy main city street at around 8pm, heading to our second shopping destination, we drove past a bunch of cop cars with flashing lights, pulled over on the side of the street. I couldn’t see what was going on, but after we drove by, I overheard one of my siblings saying something about “un cuerpo” which means a body. It turns out we had driven past a murder scene, and they had seen the dead body lying on the street.

Murder. And Christmas Shopping.

Two things I would have never put together in the same story before. Suddenly Christmas shopping didn’t seem so important after all. I was really shaken up, but once we arrived to the next mall, and started shopping again, I somehow had forgotten the whole thing. I didn’t remember it again until 3 days later, when my host brother read in the newspaper that 74 people had been killed in Guatemala during the Christmas holidays, Dec. 23-25. Although Guatemala has one of the highest murder rates in the world, this is high even for Guatemalan standards. I’m not sure why the whole incident startled me so much, since I read about people being killed every time I pick up a newspaper here. During my joyful Christmas holidays though, this was definitely not something I was comfortable hearing or thinking about, let alone driving past.

My second uncomfortable story happened on Boxing Day. I took a day trip with some friends to Antigua, a beautiful touristy town, 45 minutes out of the city. The bus was packed full, and I was sharing my seat with a woman and her son, and a huge garbage bag. Since the rest of my friends were hidden by people standing in the aisles (there’s a reason why they call them chicken buses!) I was bored and decided to strike up a conversation with the woman beside me. She was an indigenous woman from Santiago Atitlan, who now lived in Guatemala City with her two children. I was very excited to share with her that I actually knew where Santiago Atitlan was, and that I had visited there a few times, and that it was a beautiful place! Since it was Boxing Day, typical “small talk” is to ask how your Christmas went. So I asked her if they did anything special for Christmas. I’m not sure why her answer surprised me, since I know that poverty exists, and I see signs of it every day. But it made me feel uncomfortable/embarrassed/guilty, when she said that no, they didn’t have resources or money to do anything for Christmas.

I didn’t know how to respond to that, so I think I mumbled something like “I’m sorry” and then explained to her that I experienced Guatemalan tamales for the first time with my host family, which is something we don’t have back home for Christmas. It turns out she sold bread on the street for a living, but today she was going to Antigua to sell toys, which was what was in the giant bag on her lap. When I told her that I was here with an NGO, working at a day care in a marginalized community, she asked if I knew of a place where she could send her kids. She had tried getting them into a daycare run by another NGO in the city, but they had been turned away. Sadly, I had to tell her that no, I didn’t know how to help her. Just before I got off the bus, I brought out my breakfast that I hadn’t eaten yet, and shared it with her and her son, who eagerly accepted the offer, and we said goodbye.

I think the reason why this interaction affected me so much was not just because they were poor, but because I had been so surprised by it. Sitting next to her on the bus, she was a “normal” person, just like me. She was my equal. Not someone who could barely make ends meet, and struggled to feed her 2 children every day. If I had have seen this same woman and her son on the street, trying to sell bread to me, I would have quickly walked on by, without giving them a second look. How hypocritical of me, that by doing this, I am ignoring the very people who I have come to serve. I work with poor people every day in El Salvador, but I don’t think of them as “poor people”, but as my co-workers and my students and their families. Yet when I step out onto the streets, among a sea of unknown people, I go back to stereotyping the poor, even if it is unintentional.

These stories, and many others, are why I have been struggling so much with the privileges I have, and the guilt I have been feeling because of it.

The theme of the December issue of Geez Magazine was privilege, and a couple of their online articles really helped me these past few weeks. Here is the link for the first article, written by the editor. http://www.geezmagazine.org/magazine/article/turn-outward-listen-fumble-for-love/

She says:

“Privilege is what Sara Ahmed describes in her book, The Cultural Politics of Emotion, as a “sticky object.” A lot of emotion, especially negative emotion, comes together around it. When we recognize the hidden function of unearned advantage in our well-intentioned movements and communities, we feel anger, paranoia, fear, despair and shame. With all these yucky feelings, we can get stuck.”

“I think positive engagement with privilege requires us to turn outward; to become listeners and followers instead of always speakers and leaders; to step outside outdated patriarchal, sexist, white supremacist and oppressive ways of thinking; to feel our way – as the “occupiers” of Wall Street and all the other co-ops, collectives, coalitions and faith communities are trying to do – toward a kind of solidarity we hesitantly call love.”

Another article talked about privilege and how to deal with it and your guilt, and invite grace into the mix, which has been a big help for me.

http://www.geezmagazine.org/magazine/article/a-walk-in-the-dim-valley/

I am still struggling to make sense of life in Central America, and I’m sure I always will. These articles remind me that it is ok to feel guilt now and then, and it is ok to focus on stories of suffering and despair sometimes, and to have a good cry once in a while. What helps me a little bit, is to know I am not alone in these feelings. Yet it is also important to show myself grace – I can’t help the fact that I grew up in a context very different than that of Guatemala or El Salvador. I can’t let my guilt or shame paralyze me. It is also important to remind myself (and well-intentioned people back home, wanting to help “those poor people in Central America”) that although many of my Central American friends, co-workers, family members, strangers on the street, gang members, homeless children, abused women etc. have many stories of suffering, they also have stories of joy, love and strength. Although I know it will still be difficult for me, I am looking forward to continue hearing the stories of my Salvadoran and Guatemalan neighbours.

The thing about privilege though, is that naming it is not enough. My goal for the new year is to take some tiny (but still important, I think!) actions:

-         listening more

-         buying and consuming less

-         continuing to critically think about my own privileges and wealth, and how to undo them when possible

-         giving myself, and others, grace, because we all make mistakes daily

I hope that the things I have been learning and experiencing so far here in Central America, will help shape how I view, prepare for and celebrate Christmas in the coming years, and truly take into heart (and action!) the story of Jesus being born as a refugee, in a stable, among the poor. Because often times in North America (and even in Central America) we somehow forgot or ignore this fact while celebrating the Christmas season. For me, I think it is because it is so much easier to fall into the warm and fuzzy feelings of Christmas, than it is to think critically about the true lessons of Christmas, which may require us to feel sadness, pain, guilt or anger, feelings that are not so warm or fuzzy at all.

On a final note, I want to reassure everyone back home, that I am safe! Foreigners are rarely targeted or affected by gangs and violence. I just wanted to let people know what’s been going on in my life lately, and not just the good stuff.

Henry Nouwen has a quote that I like, which says:

In this crazy world, there's an enormous distinction between good times and bad, between sorrow and joy.

But in the eyes of God, they're never separated.

Where there is pain, there is healing. Where there is mourning, there is dancing. Where there is poverty, there is the kingdom.

More December Highlights!

I am back in El Salvador again, and it is hard to believe that the second week of January is already starting! The month of December went by super fast and was filled with a lot of very meaningful (and also fun!) events for me, so before I dive into January, I wanted to write a blog post reflecting on the past month’s activities (because although Christmas was great, it wasn’t the only thing that kept me busy this month!).

1)      Day trip to the Finca

There weren’t a lot of things for me to do once the daycare/pre-school ended in the beginning of December, so one day I got to go with some exchange students from the US, to visit the Finca that ANADES owns (a finca is like a farm or piece of land out in the country). ANADES owns about 66 Hectares of land, about one and a half hours outside of the city, where they grow coffee, beans (a staple in the Salvadoran diet), vegetables and fruits, all organically grown. Although one day was too short to learn all about what ANADES does in the Finca, it was nice to get a taste of it, and I enjoyed being out of the city for once, and in the beautiful outdoors! I hope to visit it again soon, and possibly learn how to process coffee!

2)      MCC/Youth Service Trip to Bezaleel

Every year the MCC Guatemala/El Salvador team organizes a “Semana de Servicio” or Service Week, for all the MCC workers as well as 3 youth from every partner organization, to get together and help out with some sort of volunteer project for a few days, as well as learn about a specific topic related to a social justice issue. This year’s topic was restorative justice, which I thought was very fitting and interesting to talk about, considering the context of violence and crime that practically all Salvadorans and Guatemalans live in.

The service project was extra special for me since it was held in the department of Alta Verapaz, at Bezaleel School, The Kekchi Mennonite Education, where I volunteered at for 2 weeks in March of 2005, when a group from my church participated in an MCC Work and Learn Team trip. This trip was a life changing experience for me, and it was really neat being back there again, almost 7 years later! Unfortunately it wasn’t quite the same atmosphere as I had the first time I was there, since the students were not there – they were home because of their Summer break. But this was a very special experience in its own way, due to the diversity of the group that came for the Service Week (or 3 days…it’s just not quite as catchy of a title!)  There were about 25 Guatemalan & Salvadoran youth, ranging from the ages of 12-30, coming from both rural and urban areas, and more importantly speaking 4 different languages (Spanish, as well as 3 other Indigenous languages of Guatemala). Although the youth didn’t know each other before arriving at Bezaleel, they quickly became friends with each other (as well as the MCC workers) the first afternoon, when we split into groups and painted the school dorm rooms as our service project. The youth had fun painting the walls (as well as each other) while taking time to learn about each other’s communities, and even learn how to say words and phrases in the different languages, all while speaking in (broken) Spanish, the second language of about half of the youth present. Their eagerness and interest to learn and share with each other, despite their many differences, really caught me by surprise and (this may sound cheesy) but I found myself smiling to myself numerous times throughout these 3 days – I think this was one of the most concrete examples of peace building I have ever experienced! The last night they even started exchanging cell phone numbers and last names, so they could become “facebook friends” and stay in touch.

A fellow MCCer, Adriana, who is the Connecting People’s Coordinator, wrote a blog about the Service Week as well – I would highly recommend folllowing her blog, to anyone who is interested in learning more about the work being done by MCC and its partner organizations in Guatemala and El Salvador.

http://connectingpeoplesguatemala.blogspot.com/2011/12/service-week-bit-less-bit-more.html

3)      The beach!

On a less serious note, I spent 3 days at the beach in El Salvador, before heading to Guatemala for the rest of my Christmas holidays. It was a great way to relax and soak up some sun, as well as some beautiful sights that this country has to offer.

4)      New Year’s in Guate

Last but not least, my final highlight of December was spending New Year’s Eve with my Guatemalan host family once again, and all the cousins, aunts and uncles. New Year's in Central America is a lot more about spending time with family, than it is back home. It was pretty much the same as Christmas Eve, except for without the gift-giving, and no second party to go to after midnight – just lots of firecrackers, laughter, music, dancing, and a delicious supper at our house at 12:30 in the morning! I feel like a broken record saying this, just I can't begin to explain how wonderful it is to have a second set of family members like them.

 

I had some more thoughts that I wanted to share about my Christmas in Central America, but I just couldn’t bring myself to talk about the many reminders of violence and poverty that I saw this past month, in the same blogpost where I was talking about all the joys I had experienced and the abundance of food, family and friends I was (and am) blessed to have. Also, I am still trying to gather my thoughts about living in such a poor and violent country, so I will save this more serious topic for another day.

For now, I will end off the post with some photos! Peace and Happy New Year to you all!



Me with a cheesy smile, happily enjoying a fresh mandarin orange in the Finca!



Bezaleel - Kekchi Mennonite Education Centre



Bezaleel school grounds

The soccer field, that our church helped dig out/flatten for the students, back in 2005

Youth from Santiago Atitlan, Guatemala, performing a traditional dance for the Cultural/Talent Show on the last night

A hilarious act put on by Guatemalan youth from Santiago Atitlan and San Marcos



The whole Semana de Servicio group



enjoying the beach in El Salvador!



  

New Year's Eve with some of my Guatemalan host cousins, showing them some Canadian
culture by watching the World Junior's game on the internet!



My Guatemalan host family on New Year's Eve, minus Diego's 7 year old son